Im happy but there is a heavy feeling of sadness in my heart that I just can't remove. Why am I like this?

It’s impossible to overstate the freedom and peace I discovered, and I realized the only one who had been keeping those from me was… me and my imagined standards and expectations for how I had imagined I should be.

Needless to say, my failed attempts to fix my sadness simply brought me more pain and suffering.

This interpretation lead me on a path of self improvement, to fix what I considered to be “wrong” with myself.

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It’s difficult to put into words exactly what caused what, but to the best of my ability to describe it, I felt as if my will to keep fighting was beaten right out of me.

In the absence of a should, I was free to be as I am.

Most people that know me would probably describe me as a social, happy, and somewhat quirky person with a twisted sense of humor.

Witness testifies that Diddy dangled her over a balcony - BBC

So if you are sad - like me - then be sad.

Now, this may sound like a story of failure and giving up, but it’s actually a story of liberation.

You are the masterpiece you came here to discover.

Since the rise of feminism, the dating market has shifted to the disadvantage of men and that is causing this incel phenomenon. Why do women not understand how lonely the majority of men are?

But no matter what I read or practiced, I could never make the sadness budge for longer than a few fleeting moments - and even then, it was likely due to me being distracted from the sensation of sadness rather than anything actually shifting.

It wasn’t until about 10 years ago that I finally fell out of that ferris wheel of trying and failing to fix myself.

I was tired of trying and failing.

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But unlike before, there is no more resistance to the sadness.

For much of my adult life, I interpreted this sadness as something being wrong - with either myself or my life in general.

And the sadness?

Why can't white people just surrender their white privilege?

I was tired of fighting.

What I am trying to say is that when you stop trying to change yourself into something you are not, you give yourself the gift of discovering yourself as you already are.

Be who you already are.

Why do entitled people demand that I pick up after my doggo when he goes to the bathroom? Do they not know that doggy doo decomposes & feeds the plants?

The sadness was still there.

What most people don’t know unless they’ve looked more closely is that there is also an element of deep, profound sadness that has always been with me since as long as I can remember.

Your job is not to be the manager of your life, but the one who discovers yourself fully.

John Brenkus, host of Emmy-winning ‘Sport Science’ on ESPN, died by suicide - New York Post

It’s here now, writing to you.

It’s the most beautiful and liberating thing in the world.

Without resistance, sadness has a sense of beauty and depth I cannot find otherwise in life.

Why do atheists always argue about the existence of suffering in the world as meaning God doesn't exist when it doesn't prove anything?

I had run out of hope.

You are like me, then.

It’s still here.

What are some of your favorite hip hop lyrics?

When I stopped trying to force myself to be something I am not, I gave myself the freedom of being who I am.

So I finally threw my hands up and said something to the tune of “fuck it, since I can't seem to change, I’ll just be whatever I am then.”